


Thus there was light

by Barkingmad



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, So much angst, you might choke on the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barkingmad/pseuds/Barkingmad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Castiel took a deep breath, and rubbed a hand across his weary face. Looking to the horizon, eyes set on the distant amber glow he gave a gentle nod.' Oneshot. Castiel tells his tale and mourns over the death of Dean. Can be Destiel if you have goggles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thus there was light

_“Don’t step of that fish Castiel, big plans for that fish”_

 

You should have seen it Dean. It was beautiful.

I remember watching it haul itself out of the water and onto the pale shore; it’s small grey body leaving wet streaks in the sand. It moved with slow and jerky movements, as if in constant disbelief at its own feet that were once fins. Such tiny feet it had for so far to go. It was such a small thing to set out into the world with unknown purpose.  However it had the most important purpose, even if it was unbeknownst to the fish itself.

 

I never saw it again, well… not like that anyway.  
Mountains rose up from the ground to pierce the clouds, the earth stirred, birds soared, bees hummed in harmony as they buzzed among the blossoms going about their work.

 

Slowly, civilisations were created and the ‘hairless apes’ came down from the treetops to make their homes on the ground, and my brother grew to despise them. I could see his point of view, I really could. The wars stained the green planet crimson red in a haze of anger and need for power, battle cries of hate and revenge echoed across the land.

  
I told you once, that I saw nothing but pain here, and I wondered what was so worth saving, what was so worth fighting for. But y’know, you changed that Dean, you and Sam. Sentiment was always a human trait that I had admired, but never fully understood, well… until I met you that is, Dean. Before you Winchesters, I was walking down a lonely road, a dark road that had been set out before my feet. I never saw quite how dark it was, until you came along. You showed me the light; you led me down another route which led to the crossroads and let me choose my own path.

 

I remember quite clearly the day when I began the long fall from heaven.

You two had finished a hunt, a poltergeist haunting I think it was. I remember hearing the low growl of the impala as you pulled into Bobby’s drive, you and Sam bickering like fledglings. You came stomping through the front door, Sam right behind you.

 

“I’m telling you man, she totally winked at me”

Sam snorted “No way dude, have you seen your face lately?! You are covered in mud blood and dirt”

Dean popped open a bottle cap, and drank greedily, chugging nearly half the brown fizzing liquid down before replying with a grin, “Exactly, I have the rough tough and ready vibe, chics dig that!”  
“Nah, don’t think so, Brains over brawn my friend”  
“Maybe for you _Sammy_ , you geek boy”  
“I swear if you call me that again I will rip your car a new one”  
Dean slammed his beer down, “That was uncalled for!”  
Sam turned away, wiping mud off his shoes on the table leg with a smirk, “Your face is uncalled for” he mumbled.

“What was that?”  
“Nothing”

You strode over to the couch, your heavy boots making the floorboards creek. You saw me standing awkwardly in the doorway, and slung an arm around my shoulders in a rough hug, “Howdy Cas, good to have you back man. Wouldn’t mind grabbing me another one of these babies would y’? ”.  
It was such a simple gesture, but it made me smile. You smelled of leather, oil, whiskey and cheap soap and your hand around me was rough but gentle. And when you laughed, all the troubled lines on your face and tiredness in your weary eyes seemed to disappear for the moment and you laughed a deep low guffaw that echoed warmly around the small cabin.

  
I might have fallen from heaven, but you rose me up. You taught me how to stand on my own feet; that you can make your own destiny, not be ruled by fate and you can choose freedom. How a beer is best served cold, a hot shower is good after a long day, raspberry pie is better than strawberry, the lyrics to Metallica, how to load a shotgun and clean the impala’s engine. You made me see that there were kinds of tears which I had overlooked; ones of laughter, happiness, love and joy, a baby being born, stubbed toes and playful shouts. You taught me to love. You Winchesters helped me see the good in the world.  
Yes, there was a lot of red, and there still is, I suppose.  
However things like these shine through it in a clear glow of warmth and light.

I believe that is something worth fighting for.

 

* * *

 

Castiel set the pen down, his hands shaking a little and a drop of water fell onto the page, smudging the writing. He blinked; confused to where it had come from. _Crying_ , _I’m crying_ he thought, and laughed a sad tired chuckle. The tear blurred the letters, as it dripped down the paper in a winding trail of ink and salt water.

Cas was knelt round the back of Bobby’s scrap yard, in a small field that been spared the toils of the everyday hunting and mechanics. He was hunched in one himself; his head lowered to the ground, shoulders slumped. The cold wind blew in his face and rattled the wire fencing, but he didn’t care; not even when it ripped the paper away from his hand, and tossed it around, rolling it over and over in the mud. He made no move to retrieve it. It didn’t matter; he was here for more important things than poetry.

 

Cas placed a hand on the grave, a wooden cross nailed roughly together stood at its head. His blue eyes shone with unshed tears, and he gripped the cross tighter, caring not for the splinters that drove their way into his rugged hands.

 

“You know Dean, the other angels said that when I first laid a hand on you in hell I was lost.” He opened his mouth, and then closed it again, looking for the right words.

“But they were wrong, oh so wrong. I think I was found Dean.”

 

He shifted his weight as he reached behind him, a small smile playing upon his lips.   
“I have observed over the years that it is customary for humans to lay flowers around one another’s burials. However, I think these might be more suitable.” He lifted up a six pack of beers and placed them gently beside the area of turned up grass and soil.   
  
Castiel sighed, “Something for the road. Oh and um… one other thing”. He pulled something out from the folds of his suit. It was Dean’s old leather jacket. Carefully he placed it around the beams of the wooden cross, so it hung over his grave. It flapped in the wind like the heavy beating of raven’s wings.  
  
“I’ll keep an eye out for Sammy; check in on him from time to time. And I’ll take good care of your car, don’t worry Dean, I’ll look after her…”  
Castiel took a deep breath, and rubbed a hand across his weary face. Looking to the horizon, eyes set on the distant amber glow he gave a gentle nod.  
With a sigh he murmured under his breath; “And thus… there was light”

 

The evening sun shone across the yard, the cars chassis creaked and groaned in the cooling air, like old forgotten beasts of metal settling down for the night in the dusty earth. And, if someone happened to be watching, they would see a dark haired man wearing a trench coat and a sad smile get into a battered but loved ‘67 Chevy Impala.  And they would hear him drive off into the night, fingers tapping gently on the steering wheel as he whistled an old Kansas tune, accompanied by the low rumbling growl of the engine.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this a while ago on fanfiction.net when I was having major fallen angel Cas feels. I hope it is not as terrible as I think it is *cringe*... Enjoy!


End file.
